A Real Relationship: The Motherhood of Mary in My Life

I must admit that in many ways I feel like I am just beginning to have a real relationship with Mary. Although I have loved her since I was a little girl, and I have always prayed her prayers and sought her intercession, but to really know that she is really here with me, is a different thing- it is a deeper level of relationship, a deeper level of faith.

In recent years I’ve been blessed to be on a journey of inner healing where I can recognize that despite my very joy-filled childhood and saintly parents, the inevitable bumps and bruises of life (especially as the oldest child in a big family) have left me with some faulty thinking and a susceptibility toward self-reliance and people-pleasing. While these defense mechanisms may have helped me get through my pre-med years at Harvard, in the long run they can be detrimental to the humility and surrender that conforming myself to Christ requires. And conforming myself to Christ – allowing Him to live His “Yes” to the Father in me – is all I really want, it is what I am made for.

As I pray through the early childhood experiences that have wounded me– I can see how certain lies entered my heart: “I am loved for what I do” or “things will fall apart if I don’t take care of them myself’ or “I am inadequate for the task at hand, and I am alone.” I can find myself in current day-to-day situations where these lies are triggered, and often, without being aware of it, I go into self-reliance and people-pleasing. And here is where Mary’s motherly presence has become so real, so helpful.

I now begin every morning with a time of silent prayer with Mary, my mother. With an image of her Immaculate Heart in front of me, I place myself under her motherly gaze, in the warmth of the rays emanating from her Heart. Her motherly presence is the answer to the deepest questions and needs of my heart. I am safe in her embrace, I am loved as I am, and I am not alone. Just simply sitting there and repeating silently “Mary, my Mother” allows these truths to penetrate my heart. I recently read about the neuroscience of how the brain responds to different stimuli and I was fascinated to learn that when we are triggered, the brain stem asks the question, “am I safe?” while the limbic system asks the question “am I loved?” What a gift God gave us in giving us Mary as our mother, to be with always, to reassure us constantly: “Yes, you are safe - Yes, you are loved - You are not alone.” During the day, when I feel worry or stress or drivenness start to take over, I can pause, look at her image, take a deep breath and hear her tell me “I am here - you are safe, you are loved, you are not alone.” I can embrace and accept the reality that I am indeed inadequate for many of the tasks at hand, but I am not alone. My poverty and inadequacy are nothing to be afraid or ashamed of, they are part of being human, and I am loved and lovable as I am. I am finding her to be a real mother to me in my very human struggles and in my relationships with others.

But even in my relationship with God, Her motherly reassurance that I am safe, loved and not alone is so necessary for lowering the walls of my heart, in the sacred space of prayer before God. Mary was perfect openness before God, perfect receptivity to His initiative and I need her help especially in opening my heart to the Triune God. Without her, prayer can stay in my head, or even worse, just be an act of moving my lips. I try to begin every prayer time asking for her to open my heart.

In these beautiful Christmas days, all the images of the Child Jesus in the arms of Mary, His mother, are such an inspiration. When I go to pray, I try to place myself right there, next to Jesus in the arms of Mary. There, where I am safe, loved, and not alone, God can take over the prayer – and “as a child has rest in his mother’s arms, even so is my soul at rest.” (Psalm 131)

-Sr. Ann Kateri, CFR