Mary and Feminity: "Mary Reveal Your Heart"

In praying on this theme, I felt called to share some reflections I had originally compiled for a woman’s day talk. It is written in the first person, geared towards women – sharing on their strengths and weaknesses.  I use Mary, the perfect woman, and the joyful mysteries of the Rosary as a means to share deeper. 

The most common title in Scripture for Mary, in the opinion of many, is ‘woman’.  Including ‘The woman will crush your head’, ‘woman what has this to do with me?’ ‘Woman behold your son’, and ‘the woman, with a crown of twelve stars on her head’.  As the archangel Gabriel declares, Mary is the fullness of grace, therefore the fullness of perfection, the perfect woman – she is all that is beautiful, good and true in our feminine nature.  How then can we as women relate to such perfection? Actually, let us turn this question around and recognize, through Mary, the heights that we as woman are called to, what we can become!

As we look at Mary through the joyful mysteries, St. John Paull II (JPII) reminds us, the rosary is a way to get to know Mary - and through her memories to know and contemplate Jesus.  I share the following reflection from my time of praying the Joyful Mysteries.

1. The Annunciation

In prayer, I asked Mary to reveal Her Heart - the words that struck me were ‘and you will conceive in your womb’.  Mary shared she was mother.  In time, the God-man, Jesus Christ was conceived within Her womb!  He was physically united and depended upon Her in every physical way.  This indeed was ‘flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone’.  Motherhood is the gift given to women.  Physical life begins within, is nurtured within, is protected within, grows within, develops within.  This first crucial stage of life, has been entrusted to the woman.  As spiritual mothers we are also entrusted with spiritual emotional and physical life.  Through the woman’s receptivity, i.e. being open to the Lord, His plans, their spouse, the family, the community, neighbours, etc, we receive and give life with and through God.  As JPII says, all of humanity passes through the threshold of femininity.   

One of our feminine gifts received through our motherhood, is the desire to know the other.  Mary’s motherhood, her desire to know her Son gave her an intimate knowledge of Jesus.  And we too are endowed with a natural desire to know the other, to know how the other ticks.  We are therefore naturally very social creatures, and it is good, it is a God given gift.  But the gift can become a fault, if one gives into the world, the flesh (selfishness) and the devil.  Then our strength is weakened, we can become overly curious, gossipers, tactless.  Instead of a beautiful sensitivity it is warped into insensitivity and scandal mongering!

Like Mary, let us ask for her help by pondering deeply the gift given us to know the other and use it only to bring life through sensitive nurturing of the other. 

2. The Visitation.  

I was struck by the verse, ‘And Mary remained with her about three months.’  Mary remained to serve.  She the perfect woman, full of grace and knowing she is going to be the mother of the savior, joyfully entered into the humble gift of service. My first thought was is service really a gift?  When I think of motherhood: the hard work, sleepless nights, the sacrifices etc - is this gift?  Yes, service is a gift, remember what Jesus said to His Apostles, ‘if I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.’  He and His mother, the King and Queen, teach us what true royalty is - it is to serve.  To serve is to reign.  And in doing this we receive deep joy and peace.  As women, God has given us this gift of desiring to serve the other: our spouses, our children, our friends, the stranger – of pouring ourselves out in the service of others. 

But the gift can become a weakness when we imagine we receive our worth only through service.  Then we can crave affirmation from the other so as to make us feel worthy.  But if we keep our focus on the Lord, He reveals to us our worth - not in what we do but who we are - we are daughters of the King, children of God. 

Let us ask Our Lady to help us keep our eyes on Jesus, to remind us of the truth especially when we feel alone, not needed, not important and unloved

3. The Birth of Jesus. 

My heart was touched by the quote ‘She wrapped Him in swaddling clothes and laid Him in a manager because there was no room for them in the Inn’.  As I meditated on the scene, I felt a true empathy rise within for the mother and child.  They were cold and the parents were trying their best to keep their baby Jesus warm, nourished, safe.  Women have a very natural empathy towards others who are struggling – it is a natural part of our feminine nature. Empathy means to sympathise, to have compassion, to suffer with the sufferer.  We identify with the other’s pain and desire to relieve this suffering.

The wound arising from this can be noted when our emotions blinds us to loving well, as we should.  We struggle with having good boundaries, and do not say ‘no’ when we should. When we are weak with loving well, it can cause problems for our (spiritual) children who find it difficult to mature.  Look at what happens to children who never experience the word ‘no’ from their parents – what troubles they can end up with in life!

If you find keeping good boundaries a struggle, ask Our Lady, who always loved rightly, to help you to love so as to bring healing and wholeness to the other.

4. The Presentation.

I was drawn by the words ‘according to the law of Moses’.  Which led me to acknowledge the peace brought about by living the tradition of the law, both religious and civil.  We too desire the peace of living an ordered life, not just for ourselves but for those we love.  This true peace can only be fostered through becoming women of prayer.  It is easy to hold things in our hearts; from there we can begin to ponder.  My encouragement is to take a leaf out of Our Lady’s book, spend time pondering deeply the situations, the people we are dealing with and let it lead us to prayer and through prayer to surrender to the Lord’s will. 

What can make this a fault?  If when holding onto things in our hearts we can hold onto negative emotions/feelings.  As we love deeply, we can therefore be hurt easily.  Then we can find it difficult to let go of hurts, pondering this way can become holding a grudge.  In this we need Mary’s maternal love to direct our feminine heart to loving, pondering and understanding in a healthy way, so as not to hold grudges, but through prayer, to bring things up and communicate to the other with love.  We are then able to heal, to let go, to forgive the other and truly be women of prayer.

5. The Finding of the Boy Jesus in the Temple. 

I was captured by the words ‘your father and I have been looking for you anxiously’.  Each one of us here empathises, sympathises deeply with these parents desperately looking for their little boy.  Maybe some of you have had this experience in the past with losing your child – the suffering that this causes a mother’s heart – and they sought Him over 24 hours!  This led me to think on the depth of Our Lady’s love and because of this, the immensity of the suffering she experienced through her Son’s suffering and passion.  At the cross she did not faint, keel over, or turn away, but, because of her love, she stayed, remained, and supported her Son through her presence.  Women have an in born strength to cope with immense suffering – to persevere, to stand and hold fast.  Our suffering is a gift when it is surrendered to the Lord – then it can become redemptive.  We can offer it for the redemption of our loved ones.  This type of suffering brings spiritual life as it purifies and matures us.  We can even begin to suffer with joy!

The depth of our sufferings, which comes to everyone, whether we like it or not – can in the long run make us blossom or make us miserable, angry and bitter.   Let us ask Mary to help us choose to love God and accept His plans, even when suffering comes our way.

When we get to know our mother Mary better, we actually get to know the best side of our own feminine self.  Let us conclude by turning to Our Lady and ask for the grace to use our beautiful natural feminine attributes for God’s glory and the salvation of others. 

Sr. Faustina Joseph, CFR