Mercy Found Me

I wrote this monologue from the point of view of the man whom Jesus delivered from oppression in Mark 5:1-20 (See Below). Each time I pray with this scripture, I am moved by the

mercy of Jesus made manifest in His singular pursuit of this man, and the

total restoration and freedom that this mercy brings.

Mark 5: 1-20 (Scroll Down for Monologue) " They came to the other side of the sea, into the region of the Gerasenes. When He got out of the boat, immediately a man from the tombs with an unclean spirit met Him. He lived among the tombs; and no one was able to bind him anymore, not even with a chain, because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces; and no one was strong enough to subdue him. Constantly, night and day, he was screaming among the tombs and in the mountains, and cutting himself with stones. Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do You have with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” For He had already been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion, for we are many.” And he begged Him earnestly not to send them out of the region. Now there was a large herd of pigs feeding nearby on the mountain. And the demons begged Him, saying, “Send us into the pigs so that we may enter them.” Jesus gave them permission. And coming out, the unclean spirits entered the pigs; and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea, about two thousand of them; and they were drowned in the sea. Their herdsmen ran away and reported it in the city and in the countryside. And the people came to see what it was that had happened. And then they came to Jesus and saw the man who had been demon-possessed sitting down, clothed and in his right mind, the very man who had previously had the “legion”; and they became frightened. Those who had seen it described to them how it had happened to the demon-possessed man, and all about the pigs. And they began to beg Him to leave their region. And as He was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed was begging Him that he might accompany Him. And He did not let him, but He *said to him, “Go home to your people and report to them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had mercy on you.” And he went away and began to proclaim in Decapolis what great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed."

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... I was lost.

          Crushed and ground like the small, dried grains from which my mother brought forth nourishment when I was little. But she gathered up that dust and made it into a whole, a loaf that filled. I was scattered and thrown to the wind. Empty. To myself and all the world, I seemed beyond recovery, too fragmented and splintered to be cobbled back together into even a shadow of who I once was.

          And this state in which I seemed to be…well, it was in fact my reality.

          There was no home for me save the tombs, no adornment about me but my chains. I was clothed only in despair and my own voice was stolen by hidden oppressors. Only in wandering was there respite. For as I floated about and groaned, I came near to accessing something deeper than the darkness: that hidden longing for freedom. I know now that in every step and cry, there was contained the quiet whisper of hope that no bond can hold and none can silence.

          And I was heard.

          Never will I forget that day when, like a magnet, I was drawn toward a poor, wooden

boat approaching the shore. Looking out across the waves, I met a gaze, a blinding light that was like a knife to the night in me. The sharpness of my splintered interior pierced as never before, some pieces of me drawn forward, but a thousand others rushing to move me anywhere but toward the Voice beginning to approach like a sudden, unforeseen tide.

          “What is your name?”

          “My name is Legion. I am my darkness. My identity is in being broken and lost.” The totality of my prodigality was unveiled, exposed.

          And here in my abyss, from which all others had given up and run, the One who spoke drew near and ever closer, at no point looking away or flinching back as those before had done. As the distance between us closed, it seemed like the inevitable would finally happen as my fragmentation reached a fever pitch and threatened to destroy that last whispering word in me.

          And suddenly, silence filled the air…filled me…washing over a new hollow in my chest as I watched my chains fall away at His word and drag legions of swine to the sea floor. I was bared and born in that moment when all sound ceased as I watched all the torrent within me pour over the cliff’s edge and into the churning deep. Tomb-dweller that I was, my eyes burned in the light of this sudden dawn, requiring stillness and necessitating waiting. Every forgotten corner of me – rediscovered in His brilliance – squirmed and settled in the freedom, shoulders moving in the lightness of a yoke lifted and hands stretched wide open in a way they never could before.

          And then came the first moment I saw – really saw – Jesus. Because as my eyes met His, a love poured from them and into the new opening within me like an ocean unleashed upon the desert. I could not look away and He held my gaze, even as His friends came and clothed me, helping me to sit down – my first rest in a long, long while. People that I’d known in seemingly another life came to see what had happened and left filled with fear and disbelief. But all the while I just wanted to be with and come to know the One who had found me. Those people made Jesus leave and He wouldn’t let me go with Him, though I begged to. But then He spoke, asking something of me – and I knew that there was nothing I wouldn’t do for Him, nothing I would refuse this Love that had gathered and breathed entirely new life into my scattered dust.

          “Go,” He said.

          “Go home to your friends, and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you.”

          And so I went. What else could I do? Now I live for this call of Love, bearing witness to my friends, my family, the neighbors, to anyone who will listen – even to you!

          Mercy found me. Mercy found me! And I know He’s coming for you. Do not be afraid of the brokenness laid bare in the light of His wholeness. In a moment, with a single word, Jesus can make all things new. He did this for me and withholds nothing from you. Hear His words echoing in the deepest places: “I came that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.”

          Let Mercy in and I promise – new life will begin.

Sr. Magdalene, CFR